career fiasco

My interests:

  • Economics
  • Current Events
  • Events planning
  • Coming up with designs and ideas
  • Pretty and positive things
  • Writing (blogs, poems, ideas)
  • Reading (books, news, information)
  • Emerging markets/developing countries
  • Charitable/humanitarian activities

My specialties:

  • Events planning
  • Connecting with people
  • Economics (sg public policy, china econs, us econs)

My goal:

  • To help the less fortunate
  • Engage in charitable/humanitarian activities

My plan:

  • Work in companies engaging in/with emerging markets –> gain exposure, insights, connection –> work in humanitarian organizations (best case scenario: UN) –> make a difference in the world

My concern:

I’m scared that I won’t be able to make a difference in the world. I’m scared that I’ll hide and settle for the easiest choice and not aim for more. I’m scared that one day will come and I’ll lose my drive, that I won’t utilize my full potential or aim to break the walls and achieve more.

But now, as I am job hunting, I realize it isn’t easy to find one’s ideal job.

I believe that we need to stand for something or we can easily fall for anything.  It is easy to remember my basic rules such as: I want a field where I can apply my economics knowledge and keep in touch with current events. Yet, I don’t like banks or any area where I may be blinded by money or the rat race and eventually lose my morals and principles. I want to support the less fortunate; not to help the rich in getting richer. I don’t want to work with money and money-faced people.

I am currently searching for consulting jobs or, in general, jobs that give me a chance to work in/with emerging markets. I feel that this would allow me to learn more while still gaining the insights and connections I would like to get regarding developing countries. However, as I surf job openings, I feel like I am aiming too high and that I am not good enough. I don’t look good on paper, you see. How I wish I got better grades but I didn’t and now, it’s hindering me. And although I tell myself that I can do it once I try, I can feel that the company won’t even bother giving me a chance.

On the other hand, when I simply browse through current humanitarian organizations, I feel like I am shortchanging myself. It’s an interesting field which is directly aligned to what I want to achieve. Plus, why should I delay working with humanitarian organization when I can just get into it right? However, most of the task are administrative or events planning (which I am rather acquainted with). But, I feel that I can do better and learn more instead of staying in my comfort zone. Plus, sad to say, it is not very satisfying financially. I mean, if I don’t use my economics degree from Singapore, isn’t that a huge waste of all my human capital investment? In addition, I feel obliged to give back to my parents and save loads of money for the future. I feel like I’m being selfish if I choose to work in a charitable organization and earn meager wages instead of utilizing my honours degree and earning big bucks.

I feel stupid thinking about all these instead of simply getting a job. I’m already privileged enough to have an education or to be given the opportunity to choose what I want. I know it’s gonna get better after this but I also feel that a small mistake now make cause a huge fallback in the future. I’m scared. I am really scared. I kind of wish I could just skip this whole part right here.Oh trade-offs trade-offs. Of all the time we spend discussing opportunity costs and cost-benefit analysis in Economics class, you’d think dealing with trade-offs would be easier but it still isn’t.  All these life decisions are making my head hurt and making me want to just hide under my blanket. Sigghh…

 

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