I miss that girl.
The girl with arms which hugs warm and tight, with eyes that see the best in people, with a heart that forgives the worst, who has a soul which never loses faith in God. Now, she’s become distant and skeptic; surrounded by brick walls buried at the bottom of the sea. She used to have summer in her heart and in her soul. Used to – being the operative word. I’m not sure what happened but she obviously walking on sunshine no more. Now, instead of welcoming people, she’s pushing them away; Instead of socializing, in the dark corner, she is hiding. She used to always be surrounded with friends and drowning of overflowing love but now she’s simply alone and lonely.
Previously, when you ask “sink or swim?” her answer was, “fly!!!” but now, you can barely get an answer; it’s as if a part of her died. It seems that she’s lost not just her motivation but also her ambition. She’s no longer aiming for the sky (if she’s even functioning at all). A part of her is whispering, “why are you settling for this?” while the other is screaming, “what makes you think you deserve more?” Staring at the ceiling, she can’t remember what she was good at. She can’t find the point or the purpose of it all. She can’t even face her reflection anymore. When she peers inside, all she sees are selfishness, doubts, and ugliness which extends into a seemingly unending well of darkness.
This has been going on for a while now or perhaps she lost her watch. I’m guessing she’s trying to crawl back out although she’s obviously not trying hard enough. Maybe the fear is overwhelming; maybe she’s afraid no one is waiting. I would try to reach out if only I knew where to start. a simply hello, an overdue apology, or simply taking a step forward. I miss her terribly but with each passing moment, it seems easier to surrender. I’m starting to forget her or at least, it’s getting difficult to remember.
I want her back but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to get her back.