staring up the ceiling thoughts

actually, the previous post is more of a motivation to me. Everyday, for this past month of holidays, i have successfully become a sloth. I’ll just have this endless cycle of staying in my room or meeting friends. When in my room, I can just watch shows the whole day, nonstop, without needing to get off the bed coz my mom’s king sized bed can help me reach any corner of the room without stepping on the ground. my need to grab a meal from the nearby hawker place is compensated by the amount of food i gulf down with friends or i’ll just ask my mom to bring some home. lol. i am that much of a sloth, omg!! or, well, I guess I was really burnt out from last semester, huh?!

well, i kinda like it. the simplicity of it. the absence of deadlines. the beauty of taking things one step at a time. the serenity of living life one day at a time. sleeping and waking up at the time we please.  the absence of the rat race.

but, this also scares me a bit, because, sooner or later, i WILL be subjected to the rat race again. i’m not sure if i can handle it (hence im scared) or if i can handle it but i’d rather not face it. well, eitherway, i dont like it.

but then again, thinking back. i am always a project oriented person. i always need to be directed with a goal, of where i wanna head towards-though that endpoint differs from time to time. so, here i am, waiting for my results to come out. to evaluate how i fared for my last semester and how i wanna live my next semester. i guess, this does not really make sense. and it’s ridiculous how i’m so directionless now (i can even bring myself to write my 105b essay). and disgustingly results oriented. but, it’s my way of evaluating myself and rethink if i am going to the direction i want. but, u know what? i’m also not sure what the two forks in the road are. so what i do great? so what if i get less than what i want it to be? i am sooo not sure. but 18jan. please come soon. coz, i already need to have that direction in my life coz my essay needs to be written and school is starting soon.


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