i think im overeacting—-

— but i cant help it.
i need to vomit these out for me to study for my midyears properly.
its funny isnt it?
when no one’s knocking on the door, ur always wating for someone to knock on it.
but when someone’s knocking, u just cant wait for them to go away.
its funny isnt it?
when no one like u, ud always be wondering "why arent they interested in me?"
but when someone ends up liking u, they simply dont seem like the one u were patiently silently waiting for….
a couple of weeks ago, i was listening to my good friend talk about all these guys who are interested in her and the guy she’s interested in. and, i was secretely wondering myself, "why dont i have similar stories to talk about?" "why dont guys find me interesting?"
then, recently, i started talking to this guy.. and well, lets just say, he’s not very discrete in showing that he likes me.. im not sure yet but i think he does. he asked me out. i thought it was just smth friendly but after awhile, he was saying all this things that made me realise that it is more than just that. i didnt see it coming. and, i think i suddenly have this instinct to run away. he didnt do anything wrong. he’s a great guy. in fact, i think he has the boyfriend material but one thing’s missing — he’s not my type.
i dont have anything against him. he’s actually nice, understanding and gentlemanly.. in fact, he appreciates me.. and that’s a really good thing. but im not as excited to go out with him that when i go out with my best boy bud. i dont see myself being all bgr-ish with him. i dont not like him but that doesnt mean i like him. got that? its more like a neutral thing.
u see, im kinda interested in this guy from school. not drop-dead-infatuated with him but more like "hey! not bad! hope i can get to know him better and maybe we’ll get closer." maybe im extremely assuming or perhaps im simply in a wishful thinking— i think he MIGHT be interested in me too. hopefully!! 🙂 i mean, i dont think its IMpossible. but the thing is, he’s not making any move or showing enough interest. im just hoping that he’d start something for me to reciprocate to… so, that i wont look like a flirt or like im pushing myself to him. like maybe he could sms me more or talk to me more on msn. coz, honestly, right at this moment, if i were to choose between him and the aforementioned guy, i would most probably prefer him. but how would i vote for someone who;s not even a candidate? i also dont know.
too bad– if he doesnt knock on the door, how would i let him in?
i was thinking about guyA. since he knocked, would i let him in? but im still kind of waiting for guyB to step up too 😦 i cant open the door for guyA simply because he’s there and i can accomodate him. its more than that…
i feel sooo lost and confused.
then i realised, mybe these guys are not THE one… just yet. coz u know what?! they’re not yet the guys with whom ill be so enthusiastic to meet up with even though im really busy. i dont think ill drop everything for them right away just to hang. i dont imagine myself waiting for them at the meeting place for hourzz. i still hesitate starting up a conversation with them personally, through sms or msn. i dont get pissed at them yet still be ready to laugh it off… in short, im not as comfortable with them as i am with my bestfriend!!
sometimes, i wonder why dont we just end up together?.. yet, when i think about it, its impossible. coz he would NEVER like me and i think i wont risk our friendship anyway 🙂 we’ve gone way beyond that.
so, if ur wondering why i dont have a boyfriend? well, why should i– if there’s no one i can be together with?
do i long for one?—- sometimes. but who do i hope for?

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