you may wonder why…
well, let me tell you.
40 days ago, my grandfather passed away.
he was killed early in the morning in his room by money-motivated robbers who tresspassed our home with the help of our maid.
quiet. sudden. bloody.
why do i have to repeat these facts– u may wonder why?
shouldnt i feel "i dont want to talk about it"
oh well, no. i dont.
because even though this happened 40 days ago, i dont feel it. i havent really accepted it. it was a mere fact in my head. not a realisation. and i feel bad. mybe because i live in a different place and there’s not much things which reminds me of him.
because even though this happened 40 days ago, there are things i need to let go. to talk about. to pen down before i forget.
coz they say "better late than never." and, im already late. too late to see him for the last time. too late to ask him question. too late to talk to him. but i guess, its better than not doing or saying anything at all.
yes, there are a lot more daily mundane normal routines that trigger me to pause in a heartbeat coz i miss my kongkong but when i try to sit down or think about it, i cant remember those definining moments. i’ve been staying in his place since my dad left at 2000. he was practically "my father " yet i cant remember when was the last time we talked. what we talked about. what his last reminder to me was. how he used to look like. what wa she wearing. i cant compile every single thing he asked me to do when he passed away. and, i cant forgive myself for taking him for granted until now. he deserves more credit. more time–
things about my kongkong.
my kongkong was a great man.
-he became a man at a very young age–marrying at 17 (i think).
-he has 4 beloved sons and a dear daughter.
-he has a complicated family and background but makes it seem like a blessing.
-he makes mistake and learns from them.
-he has a blue eyes. the joy of a teen. the smile of 30 years old. the beer belly of a 40year old. the principle of an 80 year old.
-he dyes his white hair to look young.
-he drinks and eats "ampalaya" for health.– i hate it!
-he wants everything to be kept neat — picking up naything on the floor.
-he drinks. he used to smoke. but he knows how to control himself. (coz of tuberculosis)
-he lets me drink so i that i wont easily get drunk in case someone tries to take intoxicate me.
-he was a basketball player in his youth.
-he was regular/known/common/vip customer at savory restaurant (escolata)
-he clarifies all the complicated stories i hear about my family– but i didnt get the chance to ask about everything.
-he’s a musician. he plays the harmonica, accordion, makes music with
matches and batchbox, coins, spoon and fork. (and i dont think anyone
from the next generation learned it. im trying to figure them out.)
-he loves solving crossword puzzles [to prevent alzheimers] and playing scrabble with me on tissue papers during boring family dinners.
-he teaches me different languages. spanish being his favourite.
-he asks me to study chinese because china and india will soon be powerful even before analysts started saying so.
-he taught me the true value of money yet the pricelessness of love.
-he’s very updated with current event, and very knowledgeable with history.
-he likes fun facts and tivia. [he knows barbie’s whole name]
-he reads the newspaper everyday. solves crossword puzzle. wipes his things. has athrities. watch tv-news. owns a cat and a dog.
-he helps less fortunate people without expecting anything back.
-he remained humble to anyone– especially to the poor.
-he’s favourite psalm was psalm 23 "the Lord is my sheperd" though i havent asked him why.
-he’s humerous. never raising his temper around his grandchildren.
-he likes a good laugh. especially with friends over bottles of beer.
-he gets mad but he was forgiving.
-he tells me about reality and i get teary eyed yet he tells me to stay strong and shows that reality isnt that harsh.
-he donates to charity, gives alms with no regrets or hesitation.
-he tells me i should understand and give way to my grandmother coz she’s alot older [age gap.]
-he told me i need to study hard to salvage my family — to help my parents.
-he told me i need to be responsible and look after my sisters and my parents.
-he told me im the hope of my family – hence, my impetus to stay strong in singapore.
-he wasnt the perfect father but he taught me how to be the a good daughter for his son.
-he has his own principles and he shares them to me–for me to learn. to guide me. to help me.
-he was someone honourable. principled. loveable. unforgettable. respectable. admirable. adorable. commendable.
remember his name:
born: april 18, 1936
died: april 16, 2007
-he already did his part, now, its time for him to rest in heaven, where the Lord wiLL aLways be his sheperd-