shattered chiLdhood fantasies ><

I just finished watching aquamarine. It’s so cute. Last week, I was also watching she’s the man and high school musical. I watched serendipity the otherday.

Oh. How I miss being innocent!

Oh. How I miss being so pristine and so gullible about Love! Remember know when you were young and you don’t know about the two sides of the coin in love? It was always a fairy tale with a “happily ever after.” do you remember when you were twelve or thirteen and love seemed so perfect, as if it’s the escape from the harsh reality? Most of the young girls have their own weddings planned intricately [and money doesn’t even matter]. Now, we realize that love itself has a harsh reality or perhaps it is not-so-perfect after all. Not all tears are tears of joy. Pain is also a part and parcel especially if that person means a lot.  

I remember when I was really young at heart and I have no clue what falling in love really means. I was always dreaming of that moment. That moment when you know that there’s love just with the way a person looks at you. Kissing or making out or making love even sounds so disgusting to me. I just wanted that foot-popping kiss and that’s what you call head over heals!!

Oh, I miss not being a teen!

I miss the pre-teens moment of being not a girl not yet a woman phase [according to Britney] now, I think I know too much. And it will be really hard for me to let someone have a control over my heart. Practicality first, right?! As much as possible, I also don’t want to be hurt in the end.

Don’t you miss it too? Don’t you miss the feeling that you have all the right in the world to fall in love relentlessly and carefree? Don’t you miss the daydreams you have that love is heaven? And every time you see a couple pass by and you know that you’re prince charming is also just around the corner, waiting to rescue you? Save you from the world so scorned?

You know what I want to feel right now? I want to feel loved and accepted for who I am. Like the angel and demon in me. –shrugs-  I want to know that when guys say I love you, they really do. They are not jerks who are out there to take advantage of you. They don’t make you fall in love and fall apart. I want someone understanding. Someone who really cares with no hidden agenda. I want someone who’ll be relaxed and at ease when I am around and who I can be confortable with. He just needs to be rich in friends and integrity and not financially. What will I do with money if he’s too tensed or busy to spend time and share memories with me? I want him to be more grateful that he has me than how ecstatic he is when he has cash. I want him to be there through our ups and downs and the reassurance that he will be, once in a while. I want someone who will appreciate me and all the small yet incredible things I am trying to do.

Who is it so hard to find this type of guys now?

It’s not even close to prince charming. Let alone superman. I am just wishing for someone to like me for who I am. I just wish they come to me because of the beauty I have [and lack thereof] inside. Not now, of course. Because, right now, I cant even find a guy to trust. Sometimes, I feel that they are always up to something. Sometimes, I feel that selfishness, horniness, being a jerk or a bastard or an asshole, inconsiderate, or insensitive is always a part of a male homo sapiens’ DNA. And, guess what?! they certainly prove me right.

Love is complicated. Sometimes, I am grateful that it is not a subject at school. Otherwise, I wonder what kind or incredibly “challenging” test they will have. then again, none of us can cast ourselves away from this silly feeling called love. I don’t know why. Perhaps, it is because love is the closest thing we have to magic.

 ❤ ❤ ❤




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