there’s a Lot of things going on in my Life right now.
actuaLLy, too much..
i was taLing to my friends this month and out of the bLue, i asked them, do i Look Like i have any probLems?..
my friend said: i dont think so. you’re yza. u laways look happy and strong. you’re the one we always go to. besides, ur an extrovert so, when something happens, i know uL teLl us even if we dont ask..right?
but, u see, thats not truE
i feeL vuLnerabLe and weak most of the time. in fact, no matter how many peopLe are around me, i still feeL aLone.
maybe it is because im the type of person who wouLd rather Listen to others and heLp them. i dont want making my Life my priority. others go first….
therefore, im not reaLLy the type of person who Loves to share my deep thoughts and probLems. yah. i have infinite words, gossips, news, and rumours.. but all those are about other people. not myself… i only talk about my not-so-crush-crush. haha
in fact, i onLy choose a coupLe of peopLe whom i reaLLy trust. [so, be gLad if that’s you.] i have a lot of deep dark secrets inside. things i regret.
unforgettable things i wouLd Love to forget.
in fact, ive done some things before. and i think im starting to do them again now and i am hating myseLf for them. sometimes, you might see me shrieking or shaking my head for no particular reason. well, that means, i remembered something i dont want to.
i think something’s wrong with me. if you’re thinking you know it.. nah, u dont.. one time, one of my girLfriends toLd me that i have this sertain effect on guys. [well, in the end, the effect doesnt go to me but it harms the world of the girLs.. haha!] anyway, recentLy, im thinking i might be doing so.. however, that girL’s thoughts are stiLL superficiaL. she doesnt even know the gist of the things that are bothering my head right now. i was trying to chase the thoughts away. especially, yesterdae. they’re bombarding my head that i needed a really noisy environment in order to keep distracted.
the probLem is, i know what i need to do, i know the right words to tell myself. but i dont Listen to that voice. my impuLse is working against my practicaLity. it has iots own brain. i Love doing things which i wouLd aLos Love to stOp. naugty,naughty nasty me.. i know would get me in to troubLe. but weLL weLL weLL. the thing is, i dont get into troubLe. i dont think people who know me wouLd even expect me to do some things like what ive done… dont worry. u would knoe. u would get disappointed.
im a wreck.
im so wasted.
PS: dont even bother asking me what im tALLking about. i dont think iL teLL you. perhaps, iL just stare at u Like you’re taLking rubbish. i guez, i just want u to know why im Like this…